Priority (singular)

I love that Gottman uses the word priority to describe how important it is to put your spouse first. Marriage is all about making the other person your priority. My husband and I recently attended a conference here at BYU-Idaho called “Power 2 Become.” One of the speakers spoke about the word “priority.” He mentioned that the definition of the word priority is a thing that is regarded as more important than the other. If priority is focused on one thing, then how is it that we can have priorities? The speaker at this conference emphasized the importance of having only one priority and according to Gottman, our priority should be our spouse. No matter how busy our lives can be, our marriages must be our first priority.

This week, I also enjoyed reading chapter 4 of Gottman’s book about the studies that have been shown of marital satisfaction and dissatisfaction from the birth of the first baby. My husband and I are newlyweds and we hope to start our family in the near future. People often tell us that once the first baby comes, everything changes. I understand that there are many changes that take place, but we constantly hear that many people become dissatisfied in their marriage when they become parents. Of course, we want to do everything possible to keep our marriage strong when this event takes place in our lives. It was so refreshing to read that 33 percent of couples did not experience this decline in marital satisfaction, but they actually saw their marriages improve! Why? It is because they had detailed love maps from the beginning. These love maps protected their marriage and helped it flourish during the crazy and exciting times of life. As we can see, it is so important to keep each other up to date and be very aware of what we are thinking and feeling. Learning this has been a breath of fresh air to me.

I know that by making marriage a priority, a couple can create those important detailed love maps. I also know that those couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s world are far better prepared to cope with the stresses of this life. My grandpa always told his children and grandchildren that marriage is W-O-R-K! I agree with him because marriage is work! It takes time, effort, patience, and love. In the end, it pays off to have a strong marriage.